“My partner’s impromptu, makeshift menorah was the best gift I received.” It was a testament to the spirit of Hanukkah and the love that we share. This experience also helped me understand the importance of preserving and celebrating our individual traditions, even as we build a life together.
Understanding Hanukkah Traditions
As someone who grew up celebrating all eight nights of Hanukkah, the holiday has always held a special place in my heart. From pressing the “pulse” button on my mom’s Cuisinart as it pulverized potatoes for latkes to listening to my dad sing his made-up song “We are the Maccabees,” these traditions formed an integral part of my childhood.
Even after I moved out of my parents’ house, I always made it a point to celebrate some nights of Hanukkah with my family. This was not just because Hanukkah isn’t the most significant Jewish holiday, but because with eight nights to work with, it felt easy enough to honour tradition without upending everyone’s schedules.
Experiencing Interfaith Holidays
My partner, on the other hand, grew up celebrating Christmas. Last year, in a rare coincidence – it’s only happened five times since 1900 – Hanukkah began on Christmas Day. This presented an interesting opportunity for us to navigate our interfaith relationship. We decided to spend the one-night-only Christmas holiday with his family, deciding to light the menorah with my family a night or two later.
On Christmas Day, while exchanging gifts and singing songs, I found myself explaining the significance of Hanukkah. I realised the importance of my holiday, which celebrates Jews rededicating themselves to tradition, just as I’d abandoned my own.
Learning to Honour Our Traditions
The feeling of abandoning my tradition weighed heavily on me. I found myself missing the familiar glow of the menorah and the comfort it brought. I realised, more than ever, my fears of being swallowed by the majority. It felt like my fear was coming true – the worst part was that it was my own fault because I hadn’t made the effort.
When we returned home the following evening, I shared my feelings with my partner. In response, he surprised me with a homemade menorah, crafted from a speaker wall-mount box, green painter’s tape, tinfoil, and birthday candles. This impromptu, makeshift menorah was the best gift I received. It was a testament to our love and the respect we have for each other’s traditions.
Rededicating Ourselves to Our Traditions
Being in an interfaith relationship isn’t always easy. It has taught me not to take my traditions for granted. But in that loss, I’ve found something steadier: a renewed resolve to remain connected to my roots, to be a visible Jew and to practice my Judaism on deep, honest terms.
This year, my partner is now my fiancé. We made a menorah together again. It’s become our new tradition – a rededication, or Hanukkah, if you will – to the commitment we have made to honour each other’s histories in the life we are building together.
Talia Schlanger lives in Toronto.
